Thai star 2 people bathing in the river

We rarely find what we are looking for when we focus solely on changing the external circumstances of our lives. To make any change that is ultimately satisfying, we need to make shifts on the inside that support desired changes on the outside. For example, after years of moving from one company to another, yet never finding one that totally suited me, I became convinced that I would only be happy when I became self-employed. While many aspects of self-employment were appealing to me, there were a number of challenges as well. Because I didn't clearly see my own ambivalence about being self-employed, I walked right into opportunities for self-sabotage. Being selfemployed turned out to be more challenging than I had expected. Although the "highs" were way up there, the lows were equally far in the other direction. It truly tested my mettle. It forced me to grow in ways I never anticipated. Some years later, I am now successfully self-employed and happy in my career. What led me to this place of resolution was resolving my own inner contradictions. The approach I have used is based on the work of Leslie Temple-Thurston, who writes in her book, The Marriage of Spirit, that we are polarized within ourselves around many issues. Our unresolved emotions (about money and other matters) keep us moving from one side of a polarity to another, e.g. happy/sad, secure/insecure, wealthy/poor, contented/restless. For example, if you haven't resolved your own contradictory emotions and beliefs about your spending choices, you might spend lots of money on a luxurious lifestyle, but you're still not happy. So you think, "If this doesn't make me happy, then I'll live simply instead." So you change your lifestyle-- you go in the opposite direction. But you may still not feel fulfilled, because you've only shifted to an opposite polarity. You still haven't resolved your inner ambivalences about your spending and lifestyle choices.

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